i think my mom watched the whole time
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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