What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
