"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
