god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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