just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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