I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
