How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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