i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
