bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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