my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
