Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
