Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
