I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
well, you know. whores of a feather.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
