hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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