Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
