if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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