there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
