Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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