If i come over, it means nothing
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I wear drunk well.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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