I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
