shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
