So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
You took a bar mat shot.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
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