i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize