remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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