Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
