On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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