I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
