hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize