Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
my phone needs a breathalizer
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
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