Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
