i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
