I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
