i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
