Where are you?
In a non slutty way
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
