he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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