i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
