i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Can I color on your dick again?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
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