Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
