You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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