I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
