By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
