perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
