I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
