Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
jump out the window naked night went bad
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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