Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
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