Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize