Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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