Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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