I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
