Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
