She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
