so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Your penis caused this!
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