Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
