why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
