DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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