you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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