Midget sex pt 2 tonight
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
