I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
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