I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
