I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
