dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
