I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
