yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
