you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Randomize
