You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize