i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize