you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
