At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
