Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize