I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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