Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
