I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize