totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize