Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
