Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
