How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
