Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
ttyl tear gas
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
