In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
