Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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