thus making me awesome and them whores
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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