you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize