true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
