I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
