I smell stomach acid.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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