I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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