We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
